Me on For a Muse of Fire

Title: For a Muse of Fire
Author: Heidi Heilig
Release Date: September 25, 2018
Publisher: Greenwillow Books (HarperCollins imprint)

Jetta's family is famed as the most talented troupe of shadow players in the land. With Jetta behind the scrim, their puppets seem to move without string or stick—a trade secret, they say. In truth, Jetta can see the souls of the recently departed and bind them to the puppets with her blood. But the old ways are forbidden ever since the colonial army conquered their country, so Jetta must never show, never tell. Her skill and fame are her family's way to earn a spot aboard the royal ship to Aquitan, where shadow plays are the latest rage, and where rumor has it the Mad King has a spring that cures his ills. Because seeing spirits is not the only thing that plagues Jetta. But as rebellion seethes and as Jetta meets a young smuggler, she will face truths and decisions that she never imagined—and safety will never seem so far away.

For a Muse of Fire is a vivid, lush tale of shadow magic, ghosts, and rebellion. It's pageantry cloaked in mystery, it's shadows and flames, it's hope and despair. Life and death. It's a search for peace and safety in a world consumed by war. It's a young woman who faces the truth of herself and must make a hard decision.

Jetta is a young woman dealing in secrets, in the forbidden ways of making their puppets move using the souls of the dead. No one must ever know the truth, especially with the colonial army moving closer and closer, but they need to keep performing. Need to keep making a name for themselves in order to gain the attention of the King. Because there's somewhere they need to go, somewhere Jetta needs to go if the madness that plagues her is ever to be silenced. But journeys are never easy, especially in wartime, and soon Jetta and her parents are involved with a curious business owner and smuggler with secrets of his own and places he needs to get to.

There's something enchanting about this book, something lyrical and soothing, the different ways the beginning of Jetta's story is told. Prose read in Jetta's voice, scenes from a play and letters that detail the army's movements and missions. Tales of death and songs of sorrow. It all feels so expansive, so far-reaching beyond just prose. It was like I could hear this book as I read it, hear the sounds of Jetta's puppets, the music, the gunshots, the whispers of the ghosts. The worry that fills Jetta's mother, the desperation that fills Jetta. I can't wait to see what happens next, where Jetta will go and who will appear.

(I downloaded an e-galley of this title from HarperCollins through NetGalley.)

Me on Let's Revisit a Book (1)

Hi there! So, this spring and summer I've come across a lot of books that I've read and afterwards thought, "Well, it was okay," and that's not exciting for you. Review after review of me saying it was okay or fine is boring. I don't know if it's me or the books I've been reading or both, but it feels like fewer books have stood out for me so far this year.

So I thought I'd do something fun and revisit a book I read years ago to see if it still holds up, if I still enjoyed it, if I think you should go check it out at the library or if you happen to find it at a new or used bookstore (because it's possible it's hard to find or out of print now), of if it's horribly dated or insulting.

And I'm going to start with one of the first books I reviewed: Dia Reeves' Bleeding Violet. (Note: don't go back and read my old review. It's so bad. Long story short, when I read this in 2010 I loved it.)

Title: Bleeding Violet
Author: Dia Reeves
Release Date: January 5, 2010
Publisher: Simon Pulse (Simon & Schuster imprint)

From Goodreads:

Love can be a dangerous thing...

Hanna simply wants to be loved. With a head plagued by hallucinations, a medicine cabinet full of pills, and a closet stuffed with frilly, violet dresses, Hanna’s tired of being the outcast, the weird girl, the freak. So she runs away to Portero, Texas in search of a new home.

But Portero is a stranger town than Hanna expects. As she tries to make a place for herself, she discovers dark secrets that would terrify any normal soul. Good thing for Hanna, she’s far from normal. As this crazy girl meets an even crazier town, only two things are certain: Anything can happen and no one is safe.

My revisit conclusion: For the most part, this book is still really good. It's dangerous and silly and serious. It really fits in with what's coming out these days, what's coming out in the next year or so. It's got Hanna talking openly about being biracial and how hard it is to fit in when people keep asking where she's from, Hanna talking openly about her mental health and mental illnesses, her bipolar disorder and her depression and her hallucinations, and Hanna talking rather openly and practically about sex. It's about a town where really weird things happen and the townsfolk don't hide it. It's about secrets and family dynamics and wanting and enacting plans and plots. It's about making the impossible possible. It's about Hanna being Hanna, that the weird things she says and does doesn't mean she's broken.

Hanna's relationship with Wyatt is interesting in that she very clearly states that, in a town as weird and dangerous as Portero, she doesn't need him to protect her or keep her safe (which confuses the heck out of his ex-girlfriend). Hers is a practical no nonsense kind of confidence. She's attracted to him, sure, and he's attracted to her, but does she need him to save her? No. She needs him in other ways. It can look cold, the ways Hanna uses and needs Wyatt, but when you step back and look at everything that's going on, the conclusion that Hanna reaches, it's all very practical. And Hanna's not a cold, unfeeling girl. Look at how much she craves affection from her mother, who's unwilling to give it at the start because she believes that love only leads to pain and sorrow.

Everyone in Portero is a little broken, a little messed up. To be honest, Hanna's the most normal out of everyone in town. The only thing is it's a little gory at times, a little bloody and gruesome, and I'd certainly give it a trigger warning for self-harm and suicide. During my re-read, it felt a little like some of the discussions about mental illness and suicide were too light and flippant.

So, after all that, if you're still interested, then check out your local library or bookstore or e-book provider or choice and give it a read. I think it still holds up, but I'm wondering what someone else who's read it thinks, if there was anything they didn't agree with or thought was poorly discussed.

I'll probably do another one of these posts on Friday, so see you then!

Me on Horimiya Volume 6

Title: Horimiya Volume 6
Original story: HERO
Artist: Daisuke Hagiwara
Release Date: January 24, 2017
Publisher: Yen Press

For Hori and Miyamura, being together, even at school, is now completely natural. But they don't just have each other! As the pair navigates the intricacies of being a couple, they interact and connect with the people around them, who in turn make their world all the more colorful. But Hori and Miyamura's friends are no strangers to the bittersweet pangs of love either...

Horimiya Volume 6 is more of the same. More Hori being unsure about a number of things. More Miyamura opening up to people around him. More of their friends dealing with their own situations and feelings. More of Hori's dad being useless. But sometimes, in a comedic series like this, there are moments that make me think.

There are two rather important moments that happen in this volume, so hopefully you're forgive me for spoiling it. The first has to do with Hori and Miyamura as a couple, has to do with what each of them likes about the other. Knowing she loves gory horror movies while he's afraid of them, Hori tries to be atypical, pretending to be scared. And it backfires like it only could with these two. Which leaves Hori upset that she's not like "normal girls." Which leads to Miyamura saying he doesn't like "normal girls," he likes Hori just the way she is. And Hori likes Miyamura the same way. It all culminates in them having a moment in Hori's bedroom, and considering both are soon seen without their shirts on, it seems like a rather serious moment for the two of them. Like they've reached another step in their relationship. But considering the overall comedic tone of the series, I wonder if this is how far it'll go in terms of the physicality of their relationship.

The second moment is during a dream of Miyamura's, when his current self comes across his younger self during those dark middle school days. The days when he had no friends, when classmates would bully him, when he'd have no one to stand up for him. The days when he wanted to die. But the current Miyamura tells him that it will get better, that he will have friends and won't mind being loud and having fun. That there's someone out there who'll be there at his side, someone who will be everything to him as he will be to them. If only he waits a little longer. It's another serious moment, one that highlights how depression and suicidal thoughts don't care how old you are, how they can overwhelm you. How kids can be intentionally cruel and dismissive. How things do get better, when you find the strength to let people in.

The series continues to give readers more of the same. More awkward teens, more comedic moments, more Hori and Miyamura navigating their relationship. I do wonder if there'll ever be a mix-up, if things will ever drastically change, but I doubt it. I think it'll continue to be a feel-good slice of life series, a mixture of sad and sweet moments during their high school days.

(I purchased a copy of this title.)

Me on Shadowsong

Title: Shadowsong
Author: S. Jae-Jones
Release Date: February 6, 2018
Publisher: Wednesday Books (Macmillan imprint)

Six months after the end of Wintersong, Liesl is working toward furthering both her brother's and her own musical careers. Although she is determined to look forward and not behind, life in the world above is not as easy as Liesl had hoped. Her younger brother Josef is cold, distant, and withdrawn, while Liesl can't forget the austere young man she left beneath the earth, and the music he inspired in her. When troubling signs arise that the barrier between worlds is crumbling, Liesl must return to the Underground to unravel the mystery of life, death, and the Goblin King—who he was, who he is, and who he will be. What will it take to break the old laws once and for all? What is the true meaning of sacrifice when the fate of the world—or the ones Liesl loves—is in her hands?

Shadowsong is haunting, a slow-moving journey brought on by consequence and fate. It's an exploration of reality and madness, of desire and practicality. Of what will come from Liesl's return to the mortal world and what had been unleashed.

Liesl has returned to her family's home and inn after leaving the Underground, released from its bizarre hold of her. Released from the Goblin King. Now she has her chance to live her life again, to compose and create music with her brother Josef. But Josef is away performing and Liesl cannot let go of her time in the Underground. Cannot let go of the young man she found in the Goblin King, of their time together and the music he awoke in her. But her leaving has brought consequences. The barrier between the worlds is thinning, the hunt is on, and everything is at risk of coming to an end.

Reading this book, remembering the previous one, makes me wonder about the world itself. About impossibility in reality. About madness and identity, about who we are and who we hide. About the reflection in the mirror, who it is and who we are. About connections brought by blood and music and love. This book moves slowly, weighed down by Liesl's own warring inside her heart, but I don't think it could move any faster. Here is Liesl coming to terms with her relationship with her brother, with the darkness that's come between them. The secrets and the truths left unspoken. For those who enjoyed Wintersong, know that the story does continue here, still lyrical and fantastical, but as more of a slow and haunting search.

(I received an advance copy of this title to review from Raincoast Books.)

Me on Before I Let Go

Title: Before I Let Go
Author: Marieke Nijkamp
Release Date: January 2, 2018
Publisher: Sourcebooks Fire

Best friends Corey and Kyra were inseparable in their snow-covered town of Lost Creek, Alaska. When Corey moves away, she makes Kyra promise to stay strong during the long, dark winter, and wait for her return. Just days before Corey is to return home to visit, Kyra dies. Corey is devastated―and confused. The entire Lost community speaks in hushed tones about the town's lost daughter, saying her death was meant to be. And they push Corey away like she's a stranger. Corey knows something is wrong. With every hour, her suspicion grows. Lost is keeping secrets―chilling secrets. But piecing together the truth about what happened to her best friend may prove as difficult as lighting the sky in an Alaskan winter...

Before I Let Go is haunting and eerie. It's a complicated story about life and loss, about hidden truths in small towns, and about coming and going. Leaving and returning. What's left behind and what's lost.

After the sudden news of her best friend's death, Corey is left confused and alone. Worried. Something must have happened. She knows Kyra, she knows that Kyra would've wanted to see her when Corey returned. And so she continues her trip back to Lost Creek, Alaska, to find out what happened to Kyra and to say good-bye. But the town feels different than she remembers. Everyone's a bit more closed off than she remembers. And everyone is mourning Kyra. Nothing is what Corey expected to find and she's determined to discover the cause of Kyra's death and the town's change of heart.

There's a lot said in this book about the different ways we're seen by the people around us, those close and those not so close. To Corey, Kyra is so much. She's creative, bold, open, troubled. In need of support, looking for a way out of Lost Creek so she can get the help she needs. They're best friends. Corey will always care about Kyra, she'll want what Kyra wants. To the town, at first she's a bother. She's unhinged. They don't know how to deal with first her bipolar diagnosis and later her moods, her swings from being manic to being depressed. She isn't like everyone else, and they don't know what to do. Later on, Kyra becomes something more. Something used to serve their needs instead of her own. More of a thing than a person that needs help and support.

This is definitely a serious book told in different parts, through Corey's return to Lost, Kyra's unsent letters, and the town's own view of itself. I would recommend this to fans of mysteries and and thrillers, small towns with potentially dangerous secrets.

(I received an e-galley of this title to review from Sourcebooks through NetGalley.)

Me on A Darkly Beating Heart

Title: A Darkly Beating Heart
Author: Lindsay Smith
Release Date: October 25, 2016
Publisher: Running Brook Press (Macmillan imprint)

No one knows what to do with Reiko. She is full of hatred. All she can think about is how to best hurt herself and the people closest to her. After a failed suicide attempt, Reiko's parents send her from their Seattle home to spend the summer with family in Japan to learn to control her emotions. But while visiting Kuramagi, a historic village preserved to reflect the nineteenth-century Edo period, Reiko finds herself slipping back in time into the life of Miyu, a young woman even more bent on revenge than Reiko herself. Reiko loves being Miyu, until she discovers the secret of Kuramagi village, and must face down Miyu's demons as well as her own.

A Darkly Beating Heart is rough and painful, a look at anger and betrayal, at the harm we do to ourselves and to others. At the things that push us, at the lives we leave behind. At the darkness that can stew and fester inside of ourselves.

Reiko is rage and fury in human form. Nothing matters anymore, nothing but being angry. Nothing but getting her revenge on those that hurt her. Especially if that means killing herself in a way that publicly hurts them. She can't create anymore, she feels nothing from her art, from her photographs and collages. It's not worth it. All she can do now if she wants to feel something in cut herself and look for a way to end it all.

Considering the author's note at the end, I got the feeling that she really wanted to be as accurate as possible when it came to showing modern day Japan and the time slip moments set in the 19th century. She wanted to be faithful to Japanese customs and culture, not just paste the setting over North American values. Not being Japanese or ever living in Japan, I can't speak on the accuracy, but in my own personal opinion the setting certainly wasn't North America. Reiko has American values because she's American. But the other characters? The Japanese characters? From my own perception of Japan, they seem accurate and realistic. But again, this is my opinion. Readers from Japan might feel differently in terms of the author's accuracy.

This is a very dark story with multiple references to self-harm, suicide, and causing harm to others, so this might not be the book for some readers. I certainly didn't expect them and was taken aback for a moment or two before continuing. This was certainly a look at anger and what it does, how it changes us. How destroying it is. And the time slip moments were interesting, the moments in historical Japan with Miyu, her father, and the incoming samurai. I would recommend this for those looking for a darker sort of book, one full of revenge, but to take care in case of being triggered when it comes to suicide and self-harm.

(I received an advance copy of this title to review from Raincoast Books.)

Me on Lonely Hearts

Title: Lonely Hearts
Author: Heidi Cullinan
Release Date: August 11, 2015
Publisher: Samhain Publishing

With the quiet help of his wealthy family, Sebastian "Baz" Acker has successfully kept his painful past at bay. But as the end of college draws near, his friends—his buffer zone—are preparing to move on, while his own life is at a crippling standstill.With loneliness bearing down on him, Baz hooks up—then opens up—with Elijah Prince, the guy Baz took a bullet for last year. The aftershocks of their one-night stand leave giant cracks in Baz's carefully constructed armor. For the first time, the prospect isn't terrifying. Accustomed to escaping his demons by withdrawing into his imagination, Elijah isn't used to having a happy herd of friends. He's even less comfortable as the object of a notorious playboy's affections. Yet all signs seem to indicate this time happiness might be within his grasp. When Baz's mother runs for a highly sought-after public office, the media hounds drag Baz's and Elijah's pasts into the light. In the blinding glare, Baz and Elijah face the ultimate test: discovering if they're stronger together... or apart.

Lonely Hearts is emotional and rough, all about two battered and bruised young men, one trying to find his place with everything changing around him, one still broken and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Now that he's free from his overly religious parents, now that he's in a safer situation, Elijah's bitter with all the happiness around him. It's not his scene, not after the time he spent on the streets, not after what he's done to distance himself from his pain. He didn't want to be saved by his new friends, but saved he was, and now he has to accept that people actually care about him. But he still can't shake the feeling that they're all going to chuck him to the curb the second he lets himself care back. There's also Baz to deal with. Bax who saved him from street living. Baz who took a bullet for him. Baz who attracts him and infuriates him by barely talking to him.

Baz carries around a lot, more than the scars and the titanium he got after being targeted and attacked when he was a teen, but he's happy. For the most part. He has friends who care about him, he has family who supports him. But the oldest of his friends are about to graduate, and his mother's about to run for a Senate position. Things are changing and it's making him panic. He also has Elijah, in some way, but it's complicated. He sees himself in Elijah, he wants to help, but they can barely string a conversation together, what with all the awkwardness and the attraction smoldering between the two of them.

One of the things this book highlights, along with the previous two in the series, is the ways in which we rely on and ask others to rely on us. For help or support, be it emotional or financial. For companionship, for affection. After his attack and through his resulting chronic pain, Baz accepted help from those around him, supporting them as they supported him. It's harder with Elijah, he's far more jaded because he's never had anyone on his side supporting him. He's wary, skittish. He's better than he was, no longer snapping at every offered hand, but he's overwhelmed by the need to pay everyone back. He needs to learn that sometimes people offer help, money, and time without expecting it in return.

I think this is the hardest and grittiest book of the three, that this one too the most out of its main characters. That this was the furthest they were pushed compared to the others. Both of them are so broken, so stuck, and it takes so much for them to change, to realize that everything's going to be okay. I'm pretty sure fans of the previous books will enjoy this.

Quick note that this title contains explicit sexual content and some drug use (some prescription).

(I received an e-galley of this title to review from Samhain Publishing through NetGalley.)

Me on Focus on Me

Title: Focus on Me
Author: Megan Erickson
Release Date: July 21, 2015
Publisher: Intermix (Penguin imprint)

Colin Hartman can now add college to his list of failures. On the coast-to-coast trek home from California, Colin stops at a gas station in the Nevada desert, and can't help noticing the guy in tight jeans looking like he just stepped off a catwalk. When he realizes Catwalk is stranded, Colin offers a ride. Riley only intended to take a short ride in Colin's Jeep to the Grand Canyon. But one detour leads to another until they finally find themselves tumbling into bed together. However there are shadows in Riley's eyes that hide a troubled past. And when those shadows threaten to bury the man whom Colin has fallen in love with, he vows to get Riley the help he needs. For once in his life, quitting isn't an option…

Focus on Me is all parts sweet and sad and funny. What you get here is two guys meeting by chance and taking a bit of a trip together. Colin is on his way home, bothered with not being able to finish college and not knowing what he's good for, and Riley is just on his way out, trying to find something that will make him happy before he's swept under the waves of his depression. What they become to each other is something meaningful, something that the other needs, but sometimes that isn't enough.

Colin is a supportive guy, he helps Riley lighten the load, helps him smile. And Riley feels more like a person with Colin around. They compliment each other and help each other. But road trips and kisses can't solve everything. The best thing is that them being in love doesn't fix their problems. The co-dependency is strong, but both acknowledge that it can't continue. They still have to work hard, still have to put in the effort in the other parts of their lives, in order to be happy and mentally healthy.

I wonder how I can phrase this thought of mine, how I can do it correctly. Colin and Riley are gay, but this isn't about them being gay. It's about them being people, being in their early 20's and feeling lost and confused. It's about them trying to find what's next. They're people. And that's what I love about this book.

This book says a number of things. That it's okay to lean on people, that it's okay to be sad, but that you can never give up. There's always something out there, someone out there, for you to focus on and pull yourself up. But you have to make that hard choice to want to change for yourself.

I really enjoyed this book because of what and who is in it. Smart people, a fun road trip, supportive family members, caring friends, and a hopefully accurate look at mental illness pre- and during treatment. If you enjoyed Trust the Focus, love romance, or are looking for something with a happy ending, give this a read.

Quick note that as with most new adult titles out there, there is some explicit sexual content.

(I downloaded an e-galley of this title from NetGalley.)

Me on Made You Up

Title: Made You Up
Author: Francesca Zappia
Release Date: May 19, 2015
Publisher: Greenwillow Books (HarperCollins imprint)

Alex fights a daily battle to figure out the difference between reality and delusion. Armed with a take-no-prisoners attitude, her camera, a Magic 8-Ball, and her only ally (her little sister), Alex wages a war against her schizophrenia, determined to stay sane long enough to get into college. She's pretty optimistic about her chances until classes begin, and she runs into Miles. Didn't she imagine him? Before she knows it, Alex is making friends, going to parties, falling in love, and experiencing all the usual rites of passage for teenagers. But Alex is used to being crazy. She's not prepared for normal.

Made You Up is quirky, entertaining, exciting, and different. A surprising look at being a teen, at attending high school, when you're not sure what's real and what isn't. When you're not sure if you're insane or if you're the only sane one in the room. When you're not sure if your classmates are real or if your brain made them up.

I think Alex provides an honest view of life that's enhanced by her paranoid schizophrenia, if such a thing is possible. She's the most unreliable of narrators, readers are never sure what's real and what isn't because Alex is never sure, but that makes this book so interesting. It's a bit raw and unfiltered, it's truth alongside impossibility. Alex is a bit bold, unpredictable, intelligent. Cautious, which I think comes from the paranoia. She has a way of seeing through some people, seeing what they're hiding, what they're lying about. It's so easy to believe everything she says, to see everything she does, until you find out it might not be there.

I can't speak as to how accurate the portrayal of Alex's paranoid schizophrenia is, but I hope it's accurate. It's an illness that isn't often seen in YA. Depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, cancer. Rarely schizophrenia. There are moments when the medication Alex takes is described as greying her world, making everything fuzzy, making her sad, but there are also moments when Alex acknowledges that she needs help, that what she sees isn't always real or normal.

I found this book to be so interesting, so compelling, that I was unable to stop reading. I was desperate to know what happened next, to know what was real and what wasn't. I expected everything Alex saw and heard to be real and to not be real. In the end, in terms of what was real and what wasn't, well... who's to say? A definite must-read for those looking for a brand new flawed heroine.

(I received an advance copy of this title from HarperCollins Canada.)